Sunday, February 19, 2012

Loose Leafing: Vampire Batty

Funny story.  I set out at the beginning of this year to stay up on my reviews, and I, um, actually have.  In theory, this is a really great thing.  It's a good goal and one I'm surprised I'm staying on top of so far despite the chaos of life.  *knocks on wood*  I feel oddly insecure, though, because I'm now faced with the prospect of not having a review for next week of a book that I've read any time in the recent past.  Ah, the nerve-wracking quandaries of the slow reader.  What's a girl to do?  I'm reading Lorna Landvik's Oh My Stars as fast as I can, which, of course, is not terribly fast, because I am me, aren't I?  It seems my only option, and one I'm reluctant to pursue is to review one of the ones that fell by the wayside last year that I only sort of remember but should really review anyway.  Or I could write a really random Loose Leafing post on totally unbookish things that really irritate me, like, for example, Wal-Mart.  It should be obvious by now what I've chosen, so consider yourself fairly warned.

I hate Wal-Mart.  Loathe it.  If I didn't live in West Nowhere, where Wal-Mart is one of only a few shopping options I would never go there.  Everything from the dementedly chaotic parking lot to the way both normal and abnormal people act when they shop there makes me nutty.  One time I went to Wal-Mart because it was on my way home and it's right by Panera which is convenient when you need a food reward for forcing yourself to go to Wal-Mart, and I got maybe three things.  Let's say, a box of crackers, a pack of gum, and a twelve pack of bottled water.  Okay, I'm not sure about the other two things, but there was definitely the pack of bottled water, which, you know, is kind of heavy.  Then I headed for the checkout where, because I have a problem being distracted by shiny things and chocolate, I paused for a moment to inspect some Cadbury Creme Eggs not quite up to the end of the line, but I was definitely present there and looking at the eggs while I waited for the checkout.  And some lady.  SOME LADY!  *ahem, excuse me* Some lady walks past me, and turns around, and I'm right there obviously waiting in line even though I wasn't right on top of the person in front of me.  So she's looking past me, and I'm staring back at her and thinking "What the heck is going on here?" when she ushers somebody with a full cart of stuff AROUND me and my 3 items without even so much as blinking while I clutched my Cadbury Creme Egg all agape-like.  A short line scout!  I stomped off loudly muttering things that probably shouldn't be said by a person running an errand on the way home from church to go to the self checkouts, which I also loathe, I mean, don't I pay more for stuff at your store so a person earning a paycheck can ring up my purchases?  I have a job, I don't want to do yours, too.  But I digress, the self checkout wouldn't scan my Cadbury Egg (Mmmm, chocolate shiny things!), so I left it behind in a fury, and that is pretty much an accurate representation of my entire Wal-Mart experience.

This brings me to the ultimate reason for this tirade. Being that Wal-Mart is what it is, on my daily commute home I often wonder why on earth are people willing to risk your life and theirs to cut you off across two lanes of traffic where you clearly have the right of way to get there?  It's Wal-Mart for pete's sake.  I might cut off people across FOUR lanes of traffic when I don't have the right of way to get AWAY from Wal-Mart, but to get IN?  This is a perpetual source rage frustration for me as I daily pass through the dread intersection and wonder why rational thought deserts people in the presence of Wal-Mart. 

As you may be able to tell, I'm having kind of an angry week.  So much so that one of my co-workers referred to me as a fragile butterfly, to which another replied, "more like a vampire bat" to uproarious laughter. 

That's not so bad right? Look, it's kind of cute!

Are you kidding?  Vampire bats are no laughing matter! 

Anyhow, I hope you don't mind my going on.  Really, I should be reading or else senseless diatribes like this might become the norm.  Horrors! 

I'm done ranting, but I have an important question for you before I ride off into the sunset. ;-) Do you have a smart phone or tablet or whatever upon which you play any of the "With Friends" games?  Words with Friends?  Hanging with Friends?  Scramble with Friends?  If you do, please look me up and play with me.  I'm tired of playing with the same old people, and I swear I won't afflict you with random rantings unless you like that sort of thing.  I'm Toadacious1 on all 3 if you want to find me, or you could leave your With Friends username in the comments and I'll find you!  (Dun dun dunnnnn.)

I'll be back soon with more bookish content, but until then, perhaps you have something you'd like to get off your chest about Wal-Mart?  Or anything that irritates you?  Like maybe this post?  Just kidding.  I hope.... 


  1. I used to play Words With Friends, until it crashed my iphone so badly that they had to reset it to factory default and I lost most of my apps and all of my stored notes,with no backup of them. Grr. After that, I deleted all the silly kinds of apps from my phone (like Chicktionary) and haven't put any of them back.

  2. I don't shop at Wal-Mart and feel the exact same way about self check-out lanes.

  3. I actually like self-checkouts, but I'll totally join you on the Wal-Mart hate train. And if you're looking for new Words With Friends opponents, I'm Florinda3Rs on there.

  4. I'm so glad I live somewhere where Wal-Mart isn't the only option. I haven't shopped there in more than ten years, and I think I'd have to move if it became the be-all and end-all of places to buy stuff.

  5. I just got a Kindle Fire (even though I swore I'd never buy an e-reader) and I just downloaded Words With Friends. I don't know how to play, but I'd still love to play you :) I'm sjwordnerd. I think that's right. I'll try looking you up ...